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  1. #1
    Retired Staff
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    Mar 2008


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    1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

    Customer "Ok."

    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

    Customer: "No."

    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

    Customer "No."

    Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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    2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

    Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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    3).Customer: : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

    Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

    Customer: "I typed 'AETUP'."

    Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

    Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

    Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

    Customer:: "What?"

    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

    Customer: "No..."

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    4).Customer: : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

    Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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    5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"

    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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    6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

    Customer:: "A white one."

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    7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

    Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

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    8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

    Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

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    9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

    Customer: "Pentium."

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    10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

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    11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

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    12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

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    13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

    Tech Support: "What does it say?"

    Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

    Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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    14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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    15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

    Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

    Tech Support:: "Well?"

    Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

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    16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

    Tech: What's the problem?

    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
    problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

    10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

    User: I knew it!

    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

    Letme know how it goes.

    10 minutes later.

    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

    User: MS-DOS 6.22.

    Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

    1 hour later.

    User: I need a new power supply.

    Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

    User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

    Tech: Then what did he say?

    User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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    17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
    Cust: sure
    CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
    Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?




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