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Thread: jokez..

  1. #1
    dR Angels
    Join Date
    Mar 2008

    Red face jokez..

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    ..a priest nd a taxi driver both died nd went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. “Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.. the taxi driver did as he was told nd followed St. Peter to a mansion.. it had anything yUu could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool..“Wow, thank yUu”, said the taxi driver.. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed nd a little old television set.. “Wait, I think yUu are a little mixed up”, said the priest.. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, nd preached God’s word” .. “Yes, that’s true.. Buh during ur sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”

    ********************************************************************************************* had been raining for days and days, nd a terrible flood had come over the land.. the waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.. As the waters rose higher nd higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, nd told him to get in.. “No,” replied the man on the roof.. “I have faith in the Lord, the Lord will save me” ..So the man in the rowboat went away.. the man on the roof prayed for God to save him.. the waters rose higher nd higher, nd suddenly a speedboat appeared. Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat.. “No,” replied the man on the roof.. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away.. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.. the waters continued to rise.. A helicopter appeared nd over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof.. “No,” replied the man on the roof.. “I have faith in the Lord, the Lord will save me.” So the helicopter went away.. the man on the roof prayed for God to save him.. the waters rose higher nd higher, nd eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, nd alas,! the poor man drowned.. Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God.. “Heavenly Father,” he said, “I had faith in yUu, ii prayed to you to save me, nd yet yUu did nothing.. Why?” God gave him a puzzled look, nd replied “I sent you two boats nd a helicopter, what more did yUu expect than that?”

    **************************************************************************************************** ****

    Question: What would yUu like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milk, or Coffee?

    Answer: Tea, please.

    Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?

    Answer: Ceylon tea

    Question: How would yUu like it? Black or White?

    Answer: White

    Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?

    Answer: With milk.

    Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?

    Answer: With cow milk please.

    Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?

    Answer: Umm, I’ll take it black.

    Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

    Answer: With sugar.

    Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar ?

    Answer: Cane sugar.

    Question: White , brown or yellow sugar?

    Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.

    Question: Mineral water or still water?

    Answer: Mineral water

    Question: Flavored or non-flavored?

    Answer: I’ll rather die of thirst.

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    ..a woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.. the woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
    the homeless woman: “No, I had to stop drinking years ago?”

    woman:“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?”

    homeless woman:“No, I don’t waste time shopping?” “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

    woman:“Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?”

    homeless woman: “Are you NUTS?” “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”

    woman:“Well,then ii m not going to give yUu the money.. Instead, I’m going to take yUu out for dinner with my hubby nd myself tonight..

    homeless woman: Won’t ur husband be furious with yUu for doing that? ii noe ii m dirty nd ii probably smell pretty disgusting..

    woman:That’s Okay. It’s important for him to see wat a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”


    Wife: Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl.
    Husband: Then what happened?
    Wife: I just kept on admiring her, on and on..
    Husband (gets irritated): WHAT happened then?
    Wife smiled and said: I moved away from the mirror!

    **************************************************************************************************** *

    A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
    Date: 21 st July, 2004

    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

    **************************************************************************************************** *****

    An Arabian was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

    Consul : What is your name?
    Arab : Abdul Aziz

    Consul : Sex?
    Arab : Six to ten times a week


    Consul : I mean, male or female?
    Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

    Consul : Holy cow!
    Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

    Consul : Man,…isn’t it hostile?
    Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

    Consul : Oh…dear!
    Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    Boss: Where were you born ?
    Sardarji: Oye Punjab.
    Boss: Which part?
    Sardarji: Oye, Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    One man was searching for something in his safe for hours.
    Wife : What are you searching for?
    Husband : I give up. I was searching for our marriage papers.
    Wife : But why?
    Husband : I was searching for the expiry dates!!!

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    =>what makes god angry?
    wen unmarried girl get pregnant nd her mother says ''hey bhagwan! yeh tune kya kiya''..

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    Sardar : Aap kitna padhe ho?
    Friend : B.A.
    Sardar : kamal karte ho yaar! Sirf do word padhe, aur woh bhi ulte

    **************************************************************************************************** ******

    A lady was pregnant. Her son asked her “Mom, What’s in ur tummy?”
    Mom answered “Its a sweet, lovely baby.”
    Son says, “If the baby is so sweet and lovely then WHY DID U EAT IT???”
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by яatέ я; 07-11-2008 at 09:09 AM.
    When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying

  2. #2
    Coolest Person You Will Ever Know!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008


    lolzzzzzzz the first one is mast, loved it...

    heard the rest b4 , thanks for the post

    P.S --> And fixed ur post, the font and size wasn't coming up lol

    aww thanks payal, luv ya too.

    edit :-

  3. #3
    The Creator :)
    Join Date
    Mar 2008


    lol TFS sveetu

  4. #4





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