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  1. #1
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    Default Sardars are Back !

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    When sardarji was asked why he was beaten up he said:
    ''i was in a bus & my wife's photo fell from my wallet, i told the lady next to me Madam sari upar karo muje photo leni hai''

  2. #2
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    Sardar ko uska sasur peet raha tha

    Why?

    His wife delivered a baby.
    Doctor sent him sms "mubarak ho aap baap ban gaye"

    Sardarjee forwarded the sms to all his friends.

  3. #3
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    santa in ICU

    A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

    Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

    The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

    This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

    Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

    Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

    Replied the other, "Santa."

    A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

    Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

  4. #4
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    santa's curtains

    Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

    He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

    The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

    Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

    The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

    Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

    "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

    Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

    The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

    Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

  5. #5
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    Banta's Date

    A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

    The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

    The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

    The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

    She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

  6. #6
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

    The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

    The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

    Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

    The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

    On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

    The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

    Santa says, "Oh sure."

    The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

    Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

    The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

    Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

  7. #7
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    Fishing LicenseBanta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

    The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

    Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

    "Pet fish?" the officer asked.

    Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

    "That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

    Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

    Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

    Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

    After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

    "Well, What?" Banta says.

    The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

    "Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.

  8. #8
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

    Doctor: What was your dream about?

    Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!

    Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

    Santa: I was running in a hall way.

    Doctor: Then what happened?

    Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

    Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

    Santa: Yes it did.

    Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

    Santa: It said "Pull"

  9. #9
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    Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

    "Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

    "Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

    He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

    The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

    He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

    The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

    "You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

    "That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

  10. #10
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    Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.

    While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

    "What would you like Santa?" he asked.

    "I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.

    "Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.

    "What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."

    "Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.

    "I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.

    A short while later the meals arrive at the table.

    Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?”

  11. #11
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    A man was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university.

    One afternoon, he was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, he started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch.

    As he was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices, Banta, came along. He asked him what he was doing.

    He patiently explained that if he heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so he could then remove it.

    "So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" Banta asked.

    Suddenly, an idea flashed into his mind, "Yes," he said, "that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."

    There was a long pause, then his face cleared, "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.

  12. #12
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    Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.

    Jeeto says, "Why don't you go ask Banta down the road?"

    So, Santa goes down to Banta's house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."

    Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."

    Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.

    He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.

    All of a sudden, Jeeto comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite... shooting the outhouse into the air.

    BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite spreading shit all over the farm.

    WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.

    Santa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Jeeto, are you all right?"

    As she pulls herself up she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen."

  13. #13
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    Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

    The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls' eyes will straighten out."

    The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls' eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls' eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.

    The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don't you give it a try."

    Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls' ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.

    "Shit!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"

    Banta replies, "You don't think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on."

  14. #14
    dR Dazzler www.desirulez.net
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    Sardarjee asked a woman: what is your new car's name?
    Woman: i dont know, but it starts with "T".
    Sardarjee: you are very lucky, my car starts with "PETROL"

  15. #15
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    Santa and Banta got a job in Dell Warehouse. They were loading Laptops in the truck when Santa noticed that Banta is taking only 1 Laptop in each round whereas he was taking 3 in each round.

    Finally Santa asked Banta that why you are taking only 1 Laptop in each round?
    Banta replied that my laptops have 40 GB hard drives. Santa looked at his Laptop box and replied that so what, mine has 80 GB hard disk but still i am carrying 3 each time.

    Banta replied that, its true my friend that your laptops have 80GB hard drives but the thing is that mine are full while yours are empty.

  16. #16
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    Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity.
    The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
    His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
    Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
    Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
    About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
    "Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
    "So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
    "Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."

  17. #17
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    A Sardar is passing through a jungle suddenly a Churail comes stops him and says: " Hoo Hoo Haa Haa main churail hoon"
    Sardar Says to the churail: Haan jaanta hoon teri ek behen mere ghar bhi bethi hai.

  18. #18
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    Two guys were roaring down a country road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.

    His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."

    "Just put the jacket on backwards," his friend advised.

    They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.

    Banta came upon the accident and ran to call the police.

    They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"

    "Well," Banta explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

  19. #19
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    Sardarjee was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
    It read "Parhne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
    Sardarjee thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

  20. #20
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    Sardar hits his bicycle with a Lady's Car.

    Lady says:Break nahi maar sakta kya?

    Sardar: Break ka kya hai, poori cycle hi maar di!!!

 

 
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