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06-29-2009, 11:06 AM #1
Celebrity-inspired fads we regret in retrospect
Who’s to blame: Jennifer Aniston.
What happened: Never in the history of follicles has one haircut swept the world the way “Friends” star Jennifer Aniston’s Rachel-inspired ‘do did in the ‘90s. Choppy, highlighted, medium-length styles swept the nation, turning coiffures into deranged scissor zombies forced into servitude by the all-powerful cut. Luckily, the trend didn’t last long. Once everybody started showing up at the same parties looking exactly the same, women clued-in that trying to emulate a “Friends” character might not be the best idea after all.
Who’s to blame: Melanie Griffith
What happened: In that crazy, mixed-up time in our lives known as the ‘80s, nothing really seemed to make much sense, but why the world decided women should go for the football player look continues to stand out as a point of particular inanity. You can blame Griffith’s 1988 film “Working Girl” for popularizing the trend, but which stylist decided you should stuff your shoulders like a 14-year-old stuffs her bra may never be known.
Who’s to blame: Jennifer Beals
What happened: After the juggernaut that was “Flashdance” swept the world, youths everywhere started donning leg warmers, perhaps in a misguided attempt to fool people into thinking they were dancers. Suddenly, these useless little tubes of fabric were available everywhere and in every colour: Speckled leg warmers! Floral leg warmers! Neon leg warmers! The rarely seen but mystical striped ankle warmers! If you were one of the people who wore these to sweaty clubs in the dead of summer, hang your head in shame.
Stupid Baby Names
Who’s to blame: Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Bono, Victoria Beckham, David Beckham
What happened: Way before adopting foreign orphans was all the rage, stars were breeding amongst themselves and producing celebuspawn, which they quickly cursed with ridiculous handles. The Beckhams had Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz; Paltrow and Martin had Apple; and Bono had Memphis Eve. If these kids lived in the real world, their faces would be fist bait, but, lucky for them, they have the protection of famous parents, which means instead they’ll become models/actors and develop coke habits early on.
Dressing like your crazy, alcoholic uncle
Who’s to blame: Diane Keaton
What happened: When Woody Allen’s “Annie Hall” came out in 1977, it suddenly became cool to look like a dishevelled dude. Women everywhere copped her style and started wearing socks with high heals (never a good idea), loose-fitting jackets and vests , and developed a taste for ties. Avril Lavigne would later bring back the latter trend and it proved to be equally obnoxious.
Shoes that look like medieval torture devices
Who’s to blame: The cast of “Gladiator”
What happened: We can all get behind the idea of a toga party when we’re in college, but the proliferation of overly complicated sandals is just downright inexcusable. Ever since “Gladiator” came out in 2000, designers have been cranking out something that looks like a cross between a shoe and a bondage device and peddling them to unsuspecting women. For some reason, this continues on today and society has yet to realize it looks dumb.
Tiny, little cars suited for clowns, not people
Who’s to blame: Charlize Theron
What happened: After the gorgeous Theron spun around in a mini-cooper in the 2003 remake of “The Italian Job,” it became one of the fastest-selling cars in the U.S. The tiny, bug-like auto has remained at the forefront ever since, despite the fact just looking at one diminishes your masculinity by 25 per cent.
Drag queen makeup
Who’s to blame: Elizabeth Taylor
What happened: From what we hear, the ‘60s were a pretty crazy time to be around, but that really shouldn’t excuse the sweeping trend caused by the outrageous costuming in “Cleopatra” (1963). After Elizabeth Taylor steamed up the screen in this classic, she sent girls into a tizzy over her dramatic look. Before you knew it, her over-the-top makeup tricks were being copied by groovy girls with an ill-advised penchant for blue eye shadow, heavy black eyeliner and fake eyelashes.
Tight, white, polyester suits
Who’s to blame: John Travolta
What Happened: John Travolta has done a lot of bad, bad things in his life: becoming a scientologist, playing a fat old chick in “Hairspray,” making “Face/Off,” sticking with hair that makes him look like a rodent died on his head. But nothing has been so catastrophically damaging as the trend set off by his role in “Saturday Night Fever.” Who’s idea was it to popularize full-on white polyester suits with a tuff of exposed chest hair during an era when sweaty dance clubs ruled? John Travolta’s, that’s who’s.
Who’s to blame: Rose McGowan
What happened: Hey, do you want to make yourself look shorter and fatter in one easy step? Wear some Capris! This bastard child of shorts and pants was repopularized (not a word) after Rose McGowan donned a form-fitting pair in 1999’s “Jawbreaker,” the worst mistake she’s made this side of dating Marilyn Manson.
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06-29-2009, 05:40 PM #2