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  1. #1
    I am Brown so ARe you DOwN?
    Join Date
    Mar 2008

    Default Good ones lmao :d

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    It was testimonial night at the local church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."

    Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."

    Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's pronounced 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said.

    "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied.

    And so it went, all the way to the vacation.

    As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"

    "This is Havaii," the man replied.

    "Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?"

    As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty, "Thank you!"

    "You're Velcome!" he called back.

    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry. "Put dem in a peeper bag."

    The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.

    "Dis look loike grand place, eh?" says Gerry.
    "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.

    They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

    Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'! As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Forgit dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me."

    A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag.' He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun. "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom .

    Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider."

    A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result.

    Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Not me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his
    budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding."

    A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

    "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

    "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

    "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

    "Twenty-six," he replied.

    Shapiro was late to work, so his boss yelled, "You should have been here at eight-thirty!"

    Shapiro replied "Why? What happened at eight-thirty?"

    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    The 1998 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

    Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary
    sorry dude .... Hash



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