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    Retired Staff
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    Mar 2008

    Thumbs up WWE RAW Results (3.17) - 17 on 2 Handicap Match!

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    WWE RAW Opener:

    Ross and Lawler plugged the Cena & Orton vs. Everyone match, and announced Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon in a career-threatening street fight... We are then ready for the Highlight Reel.

    Jericho's Highlight Reel

    They started the show with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. He welcomed out his first guest, the IC championship. Jericho said he's now the record-holder for IC Title reigns with eight. He then welcomed out Big Show as his special guest after saying Show holds the record for most times a highlight clip has been shown of someone getting his nose busted. Show sat down and Jericho introduced a clip from last week on the Jeritron 6000 of Show press-slamming Mayweather over the top rope onto the wrestlers below. Show smiled after the clip aired and said no one likes Mayweather. He then tried to make Jericho analogous to Mayweather, and said we all know Jericho couldn't last two minutes in the ring with him, so why would Mayweather have a chance against him? Jericho agreed on the point about no one liking Mayweather, but said Show is still a jackass. Jericho said at WrestleMania, he's going to be winning Money in the Bank while Show is picking up his teeth off the mat.

    Show cut him off and said Jericho is like Floyd Mayweather in that he's loud, arrogant, and in way over his head. Show stood up and peered down at Jericho, who looked up at him. Show called for an IC Title match tonight to see if Jericho can back up his words. Jericho's eyes shifted around the arena without saying anything. Show asked Jericho who so quiet - are you ready for a night of singing karaoke to Justin Timberlake? Show said that's pretty not a good idea since he's heard Jericho sing. Whoa. Jericho came back by saying Show bombed co-hosting SNL eight years ago, and then agreed to the match for tonight. Show smirked, then left the ring while Jericho held up his title belt.

    Vince Speaks:

    Ross and Lawler introduced a video promo from Mr. McMahon from earlier today. They cut to a shot of McMahon staring off camera before entering Mr. McMahon character to talk about him being the biggest star in Hollywood. He said when the stock market goes down, WWE stock goes up. McMahon said everything is so great in life, but what can he do to top all of that? "I know! I could end Ric Flair's career tonight," he said. McMahon booked himself one-on-one against himself in a Street Fight to end Flair's career tonight. McMahon shifted from looking off camera to staring straight into the camera with that evil smile to close the segment.

    CM Punk vs. Carlito

    C.M. Punk came to the ring for the opening match. Is there still a brand split? Carlito came out to face Punk in a MITB preview match.

    At 4:00, Punk went for a springboard smash, but Carlito caught him in mid-air with a nice suplex for a nearfall. Carlito tried the backstabber, but Punk held onto the ropes to block. Punk then went for the G2S, but Carlito slipped out and hit a spinning neckbreaker for what appeared to be the finish, but Punk kicked out just before three. Nice nearfall. They exchanged control near the ropes, then Punk caught Carlito from the apron in fireman's carry position. Punk then nailed the G2S for the pin and the win.

    Winner: CM Punk


    Ross and Lawler plugged BunnyMania, then they introduced a sit-down promo from Snoop Dogg. Snoop said Maria made a mistake posing for Playboy and she never should have showed the world her boobies. Snoop called for a cut, then asked who wrote this crap. Santino, with the greatest director's hat of all-time, stepped in and told Snoop just to stick to the script. Snoop told him to buzz off, then Snoop said he'll see everyone at WrestleMania. Snoop walked off the set and Santino stared after him with disgust. So great.

    - They plugged Larry King Live this Wednesday night with Vince, Cena, Jericho, Hunter, Show, and Mayweather.

    On stage: William Regal addressed Kendrick & London, who were in the ring. Regal said there will be a battle for brand supremacy at WrestleMania, with Batista representing Smackdown. He then brought out the representative from Raw: Umaga.

    Umaga vs. Kendrick & London

    The match started with Umaga delivering a double Samoan Drop in center ring. London then took a huge rear end splash in one corner, then Kendrick was set for a similar fate, but he pulled himself out of the ring to avoid the rear end. Kendrick simply walked away from the ringside area and turned his back on the ring. Umaga then tossed London into the air with a handful of hair and gave him a huge Samoan Spike. Umaga covered him for the win while Kendrick kept walking to the back with a frown on his face.

    Winner: Umaga


    Regal was watching the monitor, then Triple H walked in. Regal said Kendrick just walked out on London, just like Orton or Cena might do to the other in the main event. Hunter smirked and said that won't be happening. Regal asked how he's going to ensure that, and Hunter added some stips: if Cena walks out on Orton, then Cena's out of Mania. If Orton walks out on Cena, then Orton is stripped of the belt and it will be Cena vs. Hunter at Mania. Regal smirked and said you can't do that. Hunter reminded Regal that he's in charge tonight, just like Regal said when he made the rules. Hunter was great here. Regal then asked, why not just strip Orton of the belt? Hunter said a) that's not as fun and b) he wants to take the WWE Title at WrestleMania because it wasn't satisfying when he was handed titles in the past. The fans live cheered, then Hunter walked away, leaving Regal upset. That answered about 18,000 questions hanging over this GM-for-a-week gimmick. Effective promo.

    - They aired a promo on Hunter's quest to return to the WrestleMania stage after suffering an injury in January 2007 that prevented him from appearing on Mania last year.

    - Ross and Lawler segued to talking about McMahon's star on the Walk of Fame. They showed a video package on the ceremony in Hollywood last Friday. They focused on McMahon being gracious to start with, then him transitioning into his cocky on-air character.


    Shawn Michaels was watching the monitor backstage, then Ric Flair stepped in and asked why Michaels is here when he doesn't have a match. Flair said he knows Michaels is here to make sure that nothing happens to him tonight against McMahon, but he's his own man. He doesn't want Michaels to get involved in anything he does until Mania. Flair said McMahon has no chance in hell of beating him tonight. Flair walked off in a huff, leaving Michaels silent with a stern look on his face.

    Inthe Arena:

    JBL came out to the ring from his white limo. They showed a video from Friday where Finlay talked about Hornswoggle. He said Hornswoggle is recovering, but he'll never be the same. He has to live with that for the rest of his life, but so will JBL after Finlay delivers a resounding beating. Back live in the ring, JBL said he was looking forward to confronting Finlay tonight, but unfortunately, Hornswoggle is suffering some complications, so Finlay is taking care of his freak son. JBL said it's St. Patrick's Day, so he needs to do something to honor the people who have made him so much money. He then called out Colin Delaney, who emerged from the back without any music or pyro. JBL sarcastically hyped him up, then Colin stood off with him to start the match.

    JBL vs. Colin Delaney

    JBL offered him the first shot, and Colin landed a blow to the jaw. JBL stared a hole in his face, then landed a hard blow to the face in retort. JBL followed with a big boot and Clothesline from Hell, but he wasn't done. After a second Clothesline from Hell, JBL picked up Colin and got a running start for a third Clothesline. He shoved Colin's body into the mat for the pin and the win.

    Winner: JBL

    After the match, JBL said that if Finlay has any hope of beating him at Mania, then he needs to look at what he did to Colin. He said that Finlay needs to remember what his ancestors said to Finlay's ancestors years ago when looking for a job: "Need not apply".

    Street Fight, Career-Threatening Match

    Ric Flair vs. vince McMahon

    Ric Flair came to the ring first, then McMahon strutted out while flexing his biceps. Before the bell sounded, Ross and Lawler debated how Flair vs. Michaels would go at Mania if Flair loses this match.

    The bell sounded and Flair squared off against McMahon, who cowered when Flair landed some right hand blows. Flair then knocked McMahon to the outside and pounded away on McMahon's forehead while he was prone on the announce table. Flair tried to ram McMahon into the ringpost, but McMahon put on the brakes and Flair went crashing into the ringpost. The camera focused on McMahon while Flair prepared to blade. McMahon then smashed him with a camera monitor and Flair came up bleeding. McMahon chucked Flair back into the ring and covered him for a one count. McMahon went back to the outside and went under the ring to locate a trashcan. He smashed Flair in the face with the can, but Flair kicked out. McMahon went back under the ring and grabbed a kendo stick. He weakly hit Flair with the stick, then landed a more vicious second blow. McMahon made the cover, but Flair rolled a shoulder up. McMahon then grabbed a steel chair and smashed Flair with the chair. Unprotected chair shot. McMahon made the cover, but Michaels ran to ringside and pulled the ref out of the ring. The ref shouted at Michaels for interrupting, then sent him to the back.

    Meanwhile, McMahon pulled out a table and set it up in the ring. McMahon took his time setting it up, then he walked over to Flair, who landed consecutive low blows. Flair then placed McMahon on the table and landed successive right hand blows. He went up top with McMahon on the table and came crashing down onto McMahon through the table with a leaping splash. Huge reaction from the crowd. Flair then covered McMahon for the pin and the win. After Flair rolled to the outside in victory, they replayed the big blows in the match. That chair shot to the head just wasn't right.

    Winner: Ric Flair

    - They showed a dramatic video on John Cena's quest to become champion at WrestleMania after making that storyline decision to risk his health to return early from injury to be part of Mania.

    - Jerry Lawler brought in Jared from Subway to talk business. He presented a fresh sandwich to Lawler with a nice drink. Jared said he lost 245 pounds and he's had it off for 10 years. He said it was great doing the commercial with John Cena last year. Lawler said Jared will love the next match.

    In the Arena:

    Maria and Candice came to the ring, then Maria's Playboy cover dropped from the ceiling. They have somewhat matching outfits. Jillian and Victoria came out as the opposition. Victoria pretended like she was gagging at Maria's cover. Before the match could start, Santino Marella walked out and thanked the crowd for their support of boos. He approached the announce table for some additional commentary.

    Maria & Candice Michelle vs. Jillian & Victoria

    Lawler said he's going to enjoy the match and his Subway sandwich. Santino said that's a good idea because Lawler is looking a little chunky lately. The Mean Girls divas cornered Maria in their corner, but Maria blocked a moonsault from Victoria by getting her knees up. Candice then took the hot tag and cleaned house until Victoria dropped her in the corner. Lawler kept asking Santino about the Playboy, but Santino cut him off. Candice then dropped Jillian with the Unprettier for the pin and the win. Santino cut a promo on the divas, then he grabbed Lawler's drink and threw it at him. Santino shoved Lawler down to the floor, then he grabbed Lawler's sandwich and ran away with it. He took a big bite out of the sandwich, then Victoria took a bite. Maria said they're all nuts.

    Winners: Maria & Candice Michelle

    - Video package: They focused on Floyd Mayweather's upbringings in Michigan. They did the "humble beginnings" angle, then focused on Mayweather being a showman to stand out in the boxing industry. ... Backstage: They showed Big Show walking to the ring. His head was nearly scraping the ceiling.

    - Video package: They showed clips from the Mayweather vs. Show feud, and included commentary from Roy Jones, Jr., Evander Holyfield, and Michael Buffer on the match. Apparently we won't find out what the actual match is until we pay $50 for Mania.

    - They plugged the Hall of Fame ceremony the night before WrestleMania airing on USA Network... Announcers: Ross and Lawler said the next Hall of Fame inductee will be announced on ECW tomorrow. They're really trying to boost ECW's ratings for tomorrow night.

    Intercontinental Title
    Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

    Chris Jericho came to the ring for the IC Title match. Big Show came out and Ross said Mayweather isn't here tonight, but he's definitely watching from home. They plugged Big Show on Conan O'Brien this Friday night.

    The match started with Show kicking Jericho in the face, then slapping him across the chest. He dominated for a while until Jericho pulled down the top rope and Show spilled to the floor. Jericho then went for a baseball slide, but Show caught him and flung him into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Show went for a Vader Bomb in the corner, but Jericho moved in time. He then landed a leaping dropkick to the chest and nailed the Lionsault. Jericho covered Big Show, but Show press slammed him out of the ring to break up the pin. Jericho then grabbed his IC Title belt and returned to the ring. He smashed Show in the face with the belt, which earned a DQ and boos from the crowd. He went for a second belt shot, but Show simply KO'ed him with one quick punch to the face. Show then finished him off with a chokeslam.

    Winner: Big Show via DQ

    - Ross and Lawler recapped the end of the Show vs. Jericho match, and Ross predicted that the headlines after WrestleMania will be: "Big Show knocks out Mayweather". They showed a clip of Jericho being helped out of the ring by officials during the commercial break. He had that faraway look in his eyes to sell the KO punch.

    - They showed Kim Kardashian doing a pre-taped promo about hosting WrestleMania. Suddenly, Big **** Johnson stepped in and Kardashian said absolutely not. She said he's not invited, but we are. ...

    - Ross and Lawler plugged the WWE Title three-way match, then they introduced the dramatic video package on Randy Orton believing he is the perfect champion.



    Orton surveyed the monitor, then Cena walked in and checked out the monitor. Cena said they're not friends, but now is the time to beat on everyone here on Raw. He started to walk off, then Orton pulled him back and said they turn the tables on Hunter. Orton suggested they take a dive so none of them gets hurt before Mania. Cena said he loves the idea of Orton losing on purpose. He said he's the WWE champion, so if anyone's going to lay down tonight, then it should be Cena. Cena quietly said he's not an idiot or a coward, so he's not losing on purpose. Orton said maybe Cena didn't hear him. Cena said he's not about to listen to the guy who tore his pec, took his title, and kicked his pops in the head! Nice transition from Cena that the crowd cheered. Cena said Orton needs to man up and fight like a man.

    Suddenly, Hunter stepped in and casually placed his hands on their shoulders. Hunter said there are some new rules that Cena and Orton can only win the match by beating every single wrestler on the roster. Or, the match could end when Cena and Orton are physically unable to continue. Cena just had this great expressionless stare ahead like someone just told him his check didn't clear the bank. Hunter smiled at both of them, then left.

    - ECW tomorrow night: Six-man tag with Punk & Jesse & Festus vs. Shelton & Miz & Morrison.

    17 on 2 Handicap Match
    John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Everyone

    Randy Orton came out first for the two-on-17 handicap match. Orton simply paused and stared into the ring before entering. Cena's music hit and the high-pitched screams were in full effect. The generic Raw music hit, then all of the heels and some of the generic babyfaces came out to the ring. Hey, there's Jim Duggan. Oh goodness.

    Snitsky started things off and blocked the FU from Cena, then Santino tagged himself in and missed with the greatest dive attempt of all time that included a salute in mid-air. Cena then rolled him for the pin to earn the first elimination. Murdoch came in and tapped out to the STFU after Orton held off the roster. Orton then dropped Cade with the RKO and Cena pinned him. Suddenly, Umaga came into the ring and put an end to this silliness with a giant two-man clothesline. It just wouldn't be an authentic Raw handicrap match without Cade & Murdoch as the designated jobbers. Let's cut to a commercial break.

    They returned with JBL nearly pinning Orton in center ring. During the break, Orton eliminated Super Crazy with the RKO. Duggan then took a tag, earned his check with a kick to the gut on Orton, then tagged out to Cody. The former Pirate then tagged in and stomped on Orton. Venis tagged in and worked on Orton, then Carlito took a tag. Holly took a tag, then the other Highlander lost control. Cena took a tag and came of the top with a guillotine leg drop on Robby Highlander for the pin. D.H. Smith then walked into a sit-out slam and accepted the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Smith then took the FU for another pin. Orton tagged in and dropped the Pirate Burchill with the RKO for another elimination. Same fate to Val Venis. Cody stepped in and tried to get himself some, but Cena chucked Cody into the air for Orton to nail the RKO for another pin. That was great. Suddenly, the men jumped into the ring and jumped Cena and Orton. The ref called for the bell, apparently unsure of how to apply mass interference to the rules.

    Winners: (?)

    Just another bizarre match on a bizarre show. Those eight-men, five-minute Cruiserweight invitational matches have nothing on this. On a show where no one was face or heel, it was only fitting they turned Orton into a sympathetic babyface character for one night. At the least the thing was entertaining, but it killed the mid-card for the next two months. (**)

    Post-match: Cena rolled to the outside, then grabbed a steel chair. Everyone took steel chair shots to the head, but Umaga blindsided him with a Samoan Spike to the throat. JBL then dropped Orton with a clothesline. JBL tried to smash Orton with a steel chair, but Orton ducked and Umaga took the chair shot. Umaga no-sold, then he dropped Orton with the Spike. He then chased JBL out of the ring and up the entrance ramp. So, all that were left in the ring where KO'ed Cena and Orton.

    Naturally, Triple H's music hit and Hunter walked out to the ring dressed to wrestle and ready to take advantage of the situation. Hunter surveyed the scene with a big smile on his face, then he walked over to Orton and gave him the Pedigree. Cena pulled himself up, then Hunter measured him and landed the Pedigree. Hunter asked for the WWE Title belt, then he accepted it and pointed to the Mania banner before posing over Orton and Cena to close the show.


  2. #2
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    Join Date
    Mar 2010





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