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  1. #1
    Retired Staff www.desirulez.net
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    Smile Ummmmmm i call it Broken Dreamz...

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    Hey guyz dis is my piece of work .....
    i Hope u like it .....


    I Name it Broken Dreamz....


    I love you more than life itself
    But am afraid to love.
    My heart is like the fragile wings
    Of a tiny little dove.

    I'm scared to get too close.
    I feel that I can't win.
    You'll love me for a little while
    Then you'll set me free again.

    I've lived so long on hopes and dreams
    I don't know whatta do.
    I don't think I can trust my heart,
    For it belongs to u.

    I know you'll only hurt me
    Yet, I still keep runnin back.
    Between the paths of our hearts
    There's a torn and beaten track.

    You've got my heart held on a string.
    It?s breaking right in two.
    Enough belongs to me -to hurt-
    The rest belongs to u.

    I know that sumwhere in ur heart
    There is a place 4 me.
    I just donno how to find it
    And there's no way to make you see.

    I can only hope that sumday
    You'll wake up and you'll find,
    That while my heart belongs to u,
    Urs, too, belongs to mine.
    Plzzzzzzz HiT On If U like My Posts .....


    I WaNna Be d GuRl HeEz ScArEd To LoSe ....
    ThE OnE WhO He CaNt WaLk AwAy FrOm KnOwIn ShEeZ MaD At HiM.....ThE OnE WhO CaNt FaLl AsLeEp WiDoUt HeR VoIcE BeInG ThE LaSt OnE ThAt He HeArS ....
    ThE OnE He WoUlDeNt KnOw WhAtTa do WiThOut.....
    ThE OnE He CaNt PiCtUrE BeInG WiThOuT.
    ..

  2. #2
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    its good but BIG!

    thnx for da sig payal!


    edit :- http://www.desirulez.net/showthread.php?t=554743

  3. #3
    Coolbie www.desirulez.net
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    Its good afreen,your talented
    keep writing
    An Everlasting Summer Romance --- In Process

  4. #4
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    awww Varis lol i guess u dnt like readin a lot n ways thanx for d reply
    Awwwwwwww Kitty kat dat was weet of yeh thank yeh ....
    Plzzzzzzz HiT On If U like My Posts .....


    I WaNna Be d GuRl HeEz ScArEd To LoSe ....
    ThE OnE WhO He CaNt WaLk AwAy FrOm KnOwIn ShEeZ MaD At HiM.....ThE OnE WhO CaNt FaLl AsLeEp WiDoUt HeR VoIcE BeInG ThE LaSt OnE ThAt He HeArS ....
    ThE OnE He WoUlDeNt KnOw WhAtTa do WiThOut.....
    ThE OnE He CaNt PiCtUrE BeInG WiThOuT.
    ..

  5. #5
    The Creator :) www.desirulez.org
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    wow nice u can write too ur soo talented lol thanks






  6. #6
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    Awwwwwwwww am amazed u guyz liked it lol....
    thanx so much for d appreciation lol....
    Plzzzzzzz HiT On If U like My Posts .....


    I WaNna Be d GuRl HeEz ScArEd To LoSe ....
    ThE OnE WhO He CaNt WaLk AwAy FrOm KnOwIn ShEeZ MaD At HiM.....ThE OnE WhO CaNt FaLl AsLeEp WiDoUt HeR VoIcE BeInG ThE LaSt OnE ThAt He HeArS ....
    ThE OnE He WoUlDeNt KnOw WhAtTa do WiThOut.....
    ThE OnE He CaNt PiCtUrE BeInG WiThOuT.
    ..

  7. #7
    dR Founders www.desirulez.org
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    wow didnt knew u were in poetry
    i liked it pretty good



  8. #8
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    awwwwwwwwwwww thanx so much ya...
    Plzzzzzzz HiT On If U like My Posts .....


    I WaNna Be d GuRl HeEz ScArEd To LoSe ....
    ThE OnE WhO He CaNt WaLk AwAy FrOm KnOwIn ShEeZ MaD At HiM.....ThE OnE WhO CaNt FaLl AsLeEp WiDoUt HeR VoIcE BeInG ThE LaSt OnE ThAt He HeArS ....
    ThE OnE He WoUlDeNt KnOw WhAtTa do WiThOut.....
    ThE OnE He CaNt PiCtUrE BeInG WiThOuT.
    ..

  9. #9
    Coolest Person You Will Ever Know! www.desirulez.net
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    Cool Good job afreen

    first of all lemme tell u afreen, i am a poetry freak....i love analyzing poems and understanding them completely. I will write the good and the bad things about a poem, so don't take it seriously =P, its just to help you.

    I must say, i am really impressed my this poem. Its really well written and it flows smoothly as well. The ideas are well organised. What I don't understand is, why did u use slang? Its like a formal poem. I don't see a point of using slang. Maybe you are trying to address this to a specific audience. But still, using slang in a poem like this doesn't make it look graceful.

    And can you explain what this line means, cuz i don't seem to understand it

    "I know that sumwhere in ur heart
    There is a place 4 me.
    I just donno how to find it
    And there's no way to make you see. "

    I get the first three lines, but can't make sense of the fourth line. Shudn't it be "there is no way to make [me] see" since u r the one who doesn't know how to find it. Idk it seemed odd to me. Can you explain what u meant there?



    But overall, i give you full marks, u are a talented writer. Keep it up. Hope to see more from ya

    aww thanks payal, luv ya too.


    edit :- http://www.desirulez.net/showthread.php?t=554743

  10. #10
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    Phewwwwwwwww dat was big lol,well thanx a lot for writin in n bein honest lol....

    First of all as far as ive learnt slang means using of vulgar and socially taboo vocabulary lol...

    now theres a point where on earht did i use slang .... u cant count wanna ,sumwhere ,donno ,4me as slangs ...

    yeah its like a lil more metaphorical, playful ,ephemeral than ordinary language ... lol
    n yes i dnt find dis poem to b formal in any case its like from my heart so why b formal ... sigh ...

    n yeah lemme explain wat i meant by those 4 lines u pointed ...
    k ex. am d gurl n ure d guy .... lol
    i know sumwhere in ur heart u hav sum space for me
    n i jus dnt know how to make u understand coz its ur heart n u urself dnt realize u hav sum space for me in ur heart then how on heaven can i make u see... lol
    ...i hope u got wat i meant now .... lol
    by d way diff people hav diff ways of expressin lol...
    Last edited by angel_eyes; 04-24-2008 at 01:21 AM.
    Plzzzzzzz HiT On If U like My Posts .....


    I WaNna Be d GuRl HeEz ScArEd To LoSe ....
    ThE OnE WhO He CaNt WaLk AwAy FrOm KnOwIn ShEeZ MaD At HiM.....ThE OnE WhO CaNt FaLl AsLeEp WiDoUt HeR VoIcE BeInG ThE LaSt OnE ThAt He HeArS ....
    ThE OnE He WoUlDeNt KnOw WhAtTa do WiThOut.....
    ThE OnE He CaNt PiCtUrE BeInG WiThOuT.
    ..

 

 

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