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  1. #1

    Default Nurse doctor doctor nurse

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    Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room!
    Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him!!

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  2. #2

    Default Doctors, nurses, lightbulbs

    Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Twelve: One to do it. one to chart it. ten to write the policy and procedure.
    Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Twenty: one primary care physican to change it and 19 specialists to take it apart and look at it under a microscope.

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  3. #3

    Default Nursing home

    Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viagra to the old men living there?
    It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

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  4. #4

    Default Nursing home chit chat

    At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.
    "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
    "I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
    "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
    "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
    "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
    Then there was a short moment of silence.
    "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."

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  5. #5

    Default Man goes to the nursing home

    A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84-year-old father. While there he notices the nurse give his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
    The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
    The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
    The man asks, "And the Viagra?"
    "Keeps him from falling out of bed."

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  6. #6

    Default A guy came home one day after getting fired ...

    A guy came home one day after getting fired from work. He was so depressed that he decided to end it all and kill himself.
    He went to the medicine cabinet, pulled out a bottle and began to swallow a handful of Prozac pills he found there.
    After the first few he felt a lot better.

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  7. #7

    Default Favorite operations

    Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.

    The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".

    The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".

    The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.

    The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."

    The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.

    The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."

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  8. #8

    Default Lipstick or...?

    Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got a problem with his "jimmy." One guy gets called in to see the doctor and comes back out five minutes later. the guy in the waiting room says, "Well, what'd he say?" The first guy tells him that the doctor said to just take a shower and the ring around his unit will come right off.
    So the next guy goes in thinking, "Great -- just take a shower." But instead the doctor tells him that they are going to have to operate. "Why?" he asks, "The other guy just had to take a shower." The doctor says, "Well, there's a big difference between lipstick and gangrene."

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  9. #9

    Default Guy with frog growing out of his head

    A guy goes into a doctor's office with a frog growing out of his head.
    "Tell me how it started," says the doctor.
    "It started out as a bump on my ass," says the frog.

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  10. #10

    Default First day out

    A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
    "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

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  11. #11

    Default Over 60 with aids

    Senior citizens are riddled with AIDS!
    ...hearing aids, Band-Aids, Rolaids, walking aids, government aid.

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  12. #12

    Default P. Diddy + kenny g. = ?

    What do you get when you cross P. Diddy with Kenny G.?
    An aneurysm.

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  13. #13

    Default Blonde in pain

    A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
    The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
    The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
    Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
    She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"
    She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
    The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger."

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  14. #14

    Default Labor pain machine

    A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
    He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
    The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
    When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

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  15. #15

    Default The painter's eyesight

    A world famous painter started losing her eyesight in the prime of her career.

    After several surgeries and weeks of therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter decided to show her gratitude to her surgeon by painting a mural with pairs of eyes in every shade and shape in his office.

    When she finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art. One reporter asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office?"

    "Thank God I'm not a gynecologist."

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